Can I get a head count of how many of you count to anywhere between 1 & 5 to get your kids to do something? I do it all the time. All the time, despite wondering what this means about my parenting skills, I prefer it to yelling or spanking both of which I have been known to do on occasion.
So...Little Man was sick, but coming out of it. We were packing up to go to daycare and work. I was trying to get my almost 4 year old, who is fairly self-sufficient, to get on his jacket. My attempts fell on the heels of him not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to brush his teeth, not wanting to come downstairs...I was already annoyed. So when he wouldn't put his jacket on this is the unbelievable conversation we had:
Me: "little man. Put. Your. Jacket. On. Now."
Little Man: Waaaaa, Waaaa, Waaaa. "I can't. I don't know how."
Me: "If you do not put your jacket on by the time I count to 5, there will be no movie in the car."
Little Man: Waaaaa, Waaaa, Waaaa. "I can't."
Me: One.
Little Man: Waaaaa. Waaaa. Waaaa.
Me: Two.
Little Man: Ahhhhh. Waaaa. Ahhhh. "STOP COUNTING."
Me: "Three."
Little Man: WHAAAAAAAAA. "STOP COUNTING YOU IDIOT!"
Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I could not believe my ears. Did my precious Little Man, whom I carried in my womb for 9 months, whom I nursed for one year, whom I snuggle when he's hurt, just call me an idiot and use it in perfect context? By the time I was done yelling at him up one side and down the other, I am fairly certain he will not say the word IDIOT ever again.
When it was all said and done, I realized that he really doesn't know what an idiot is. He knew how to use it in context, knew that it is a name you call another person, but didn't really know what it meant. What I wonder, however, is what's the next horrible thing he's going to call me and how long will I be waiting for that one?
This is what I use as a lullaby for Ladybug. I love it and have since the moment I heard it years ago. Every time I start to sing it, she gives me an angelic smile and just listens.
I spent all day Friday and all day Saturday with Little Man. No breaks from each other. We had a nice time. Saturday I took him to the movies for the first time. He did really well.
Something must have happened while he was sleeping Saturday night because he woke a different child on Sunday. He was a nightmare. It was tantrum after tantrum. It was the worst day I have seen. Before it started I had planned to take him to a store with me to buy some white glue for a project we were going to work on. He didn't want to sit in the cart, so I let him walk. He started the non-listening phase of the trip about 10 minutes into it. I put up with it twice. The third time, he landed himself in the cart. The fourth time I took the glow necklaces he wanted from the cart. He flipped out. He started crying and screaming, then kicking.
I stopped in my tracks and did that low growly voice (you know the one...you have it too) in his ear and told him to knock it off. It only slightly improved. We got to the register and he started crying and screaming all over again. He saw the batteries and started grabbing at those. I told him no and that he could try again next time we were at the store. That only met more crying, screaming, kicking and grabbing. I half expected to see him start foaming at the mouth and for his head to turn completely around.
There I was standing in line surrounded by at least 10 others standing in line with a tantrum throwing 3 year old. I was that mom. I was the mom we all pity and wonder what kind of discipline she uses. I was horrified, angry and embarrassed all rolled into one. I pulled the cart out of the line, I picked his sorry little tushie up out of the cart and left. Did I make the right decision? I don't know, I do know that I am annoyed that I didn't get any of the stuff I wanted and am forced to go back tonight following bedtime.
The day didn't get any better. He continued to have tantrum after tantrum. It has continued on in to today. Is this normal? Does their horrendous behavior come in waves?
Flashback Friday - First Emotion
Posted by Fratzels Labels: Flashback Friday, Ladybug, Little Man, Motherhood
Remember when you first laid eyes on that bundle of joy? That very first moment when you saw your baby? This week let’s flashback to that moment. No long labor stories, just raw emotion - what did you feel inside?
March 24th, 2005 Little Man made his debut at 5:05pm. When your first one is born, the emotion is so raw and overwhelming. I was so exhausted and so completely amazed that I had just given birth to a child. It was an amazing experience. I remember feeling annoyed that the doctor held him for what felt like an eternity. In retrospect, they probably only had him for less than a minute. The moment I laid eyes on him I started crying. Crying with joy and complete and total love. My heart was fuller than it had ever been. I didn't realize there was room in my heart for as much love.
March 14, 2008 Ladybug made her entrance sometime shortly after 8:00pm. Things went faster than they did with Little Man. I pushed like 3 times and it was over. The emotion wasn't as raw because I knew what to expect. I knew that my heart would expand to fit the love I had for her the moment I saw her. I was, of course, amazed that I gave birth to another child. I was even more amazed at how quick it happened. Then I just felt joy to have her in my arms and relief that she was healthy. While the doctors and nurses did their thing in my nether regions, I happily held her oblivious to the number of stitches and all the pushing and pulling taking place.
So I got a call from daycare today. Little Man and another kid collided while racing trucks around the playground. He began complaining of shoulder pain from the time it happened. I got the call a couple of hours after the fact. I went to daycare to check him out. He had full range of motion at the time and his collar bone didn't feel tender to the touch to him. I gave him some tylenol and went back to work while he took a nap. I got a call 2 hours later. He couldn't get off his mat from nap time. I got him immediately and took him to the doctor. He wouldn't let the doctor get anywhere near him. He cried in agony during the exam and shrieked out during one particular part where the doctor fully extended his arm. Little Man and me were both in tears at that point.
They sent us for x-rays, which didn't happen until after 5. I snuck a peek at the x-rays b/c little man wanted to see where the lady was disappearing to. I am not an expert, but it looks a little bent to me. I didn't get close enough to it to see an actual break, but it didn't look good to me. Because it was after 5, we will have to wait until tomorrow for results.
He had motrin at 4:30, more tylenol at 7:30 and more motrin at 9:30. By 9:45 I was on the phone with the on-call pediatrician who told me there was nothing else I could do. It's very, very heart-wrenching to hear your little one scream out in pain and agony and know there is nothing you can do to make it better.
He can't get comfortable. He can't put pressure on his left arm at all. When he tries to adjust his body to get into a comfortable sleeping position, he screams. At the present moment my little man is propped up on pillows and trying to sleep sitting up. If the last hour is any indication, it's going to be a long night.
He reached out for me, on impulse, at one point and started crying and say "owe, Mommy. Owe." It's difficult for any of us to control bodily impulses, but for a 3 year old who doesn't understand it's even more difficult.
During a calm conversation about 15 minutes ago:
he said: "Momma, how we gonna make this boo-boo better?"
I said: "I don't know. It's going to take a lot of sleep and rest."
Hubs said: "When you get some sleep, Jesus will be able to help make it better."
I may have to take a day off tomorrow. I feel incredibly guilty about that because I am supposed to be working from home one day a week. When life happens and I have to take other days, I feel like my attendance at work will be judged poorly. On top of all of that, my boss is on vacation so I am the only HR person. The agency will not fall down and crumble because HR isn't there, but I don't feel good about it at all.
My heartache and frustration has be in tears. Oh why can't we take the pain away from our children?
We moved from Mass to NH shortly after Little Man was born. We made the move so we could slow down and so I could stay home with him. I was blessed to stay home for 2 years with him. The Monday following his second birthday, I returned to work. We didn’t have a choice. Staying home was not something we could afford any longer. It was really difficult. The daycare, however, was great. After a few short weeks I realized that he was benefiting from it. I made peace with going back to work at that point.
A few months after my return to work, I got pregnant with Ladybug. I knew that we would not be so fortunate this time around; I would need to return to work following a 12 week maternity leave. Dropping her off at daycare was so very difficult. Dropping her off with the knowledge that I could not give to her what I gave to Little Man left me feeling so guilty. I eventually made peace with her being in daycare as well, because I what other choice did I have?
I picked her up from daycare last week. She had just woken up from a nap and was snuggling with her teacher. The teacher turned her around to see me, and Ladybug burst into tears when she saw me. That’s right. She cried at the site of me. My heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest. I felt wretched and that “mommy guilt” returned full-force. I held it together in daycare, then burst into tears myself when we got in the car. She’s with these people 9 hours a day 5 days a week. What did I expect? The same thing happened on Tuesday when I picked her up. Arghhhhhh. I hate this.
There is no other guilt quite like the guilt mothers feel. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be the perfect mother. In the end, I have tried to level the “playing field.” My agency is being kind enough to let me be the trial person to work from home 1 day per week. That starts this week. What that means for me and my kids is that they will have 4 days at day care and 3 at home. That makes me feel somewhat better.
The trick now will be working 2 hours 4 nights each week and being available by phone, fax and email on Fridays. I am already exhausted, but now I have committed myself to two extra hours of work each night after the kids are in bed. My house will suffer, the laundry will suffer, my television habits will suffer…but it is for a good cause. My kids and I will benefit.
We make so many sacrifices for our children. So many! Postpartum hair loss may be the the most difficult one for me in the early stages of my babies' lives. I am going through it right now. Ladybug is just shy of 5 months old. I have been losing an extraordinary amount of hair for about 6 weeks now. I fear if it continues, I will be bald. I've been keeping pretty mum about my little problem until this morning. This is the converstation I had:
Me: "Look at this," while pulling back the front of my hair so hubs could clearly see the receding hair line.
Hub: With lips thoughtfully pursed, "Mmmmmmmmm." Pause. "Have you looked online about what to do?"
Me: "Now why didn't I think of that?"
Here's what babycenter.com has to say about the lovely little stage known as postpartum hair loss.
An average woman sheds about 100 hairs a day.
During pregnancy, increased levels of estrogen prolong the growing stage. There are fewer hairs in the resting stage and fewer falling out each day, so you have thicker, more luxuriant tresses.
After you give birth, your estrogen levels take a tumble and a lot more hair follicles enter the resting stage. Soon you'll have more hair coming out in the shower or on the brush. This unusual shedding will taper off and your hair will be back to its pre-pregnancy thickness about six to 12 months after you give birth.
Fantastic, babycenter.com! Now what? I have never been known for my thick locks or my really full hair. No, I have always had really fine hair. I don't have a lot to spare.
I'm fairly certain that if you stretched the hairs I've lost out end to end, they would reach the moon. Hell, I bet they would reach the moon, circle it a few times, then come back to earth. I'm not kidding people - this is how much hair I have lost.
I climbed into bed at 4:45am this morning in the buff (which I never do and can't understand why anyone does). I was trying to be kind and not wake the hubs to find new jammies. However, my annoyance must have carried enough energy that it awoke the hubs anyway.
The hubs: What's the matter?
Me: That was the third time for the night that I was up. She puked all over my shirt. I started my period and bled all over my undies and boxers. There's probably blood on the rocking chair. How's that for a laundry list?
The hubs: Sorry babe. (Then he rolls over and commences the loud even breathing that signifies he's asleep.)
Are you freakin' kidding me? I drop all that and he sleeps?
Are you freakin' kidding me? I started my period? What the heck? I thought with this whole breastfeeding thing, I was going to get some more time off from that! (Even though the hubs is going to get the big V, perhaps I should think about the pill that takes away my period. I loathe my period.)
Are you freakin' kidding me? She was up 3 times again last night.
Hey, it's gonna be a great day! How could it not be...look at how it started.
