A Mother's Guilt

Ladybug is such an easy going baby. She is quite a joy to be around and altogether lovely! Now that's she's here, it's difficult to remember our life without her. She fits in perfectly. We're getting into a routine and starting to do fun new things. I recently turned her around in the Baby Bjorn, and now that's the only way she'll ride. She likes to see the world around her. Now, when people say it goes by so fast, I know what they mean.

Have I mentioned that I am returning to work on Monday? No? That's because I am trying to avoid the subject altogether. It's coming up so quick; there's no avoiding it now.

When Little Man was a baby, I enjoyed the luxury of staying home with him for 2 years. Granted, that luxury came with a price. In order to make it work, we had to leave our home in the Boston suburbs for life in the back woods of New Hampshire. We made a lot of sacrifices, but I don't regret our decision. Eventually, the luxury wore itself out and I needed to go back to work 2 days after Little Man's 2nd birthday.

I made peace in my heart with that decision and decided I was a better mommy because of it. Daycare did wonders for him; he learned all his colors and shapes much faster than I would have thought to teach them to him; he learned to sit at a table and finish a meal; he learned to eat what he was served, and countless other things. It was good for him, and it was good for me.

Then along comes Ladybug 12 short weeks ago. I got to know what it was like to stay home again, and it was glorious (most of the time). I am looking forward to going back to work, and that's what's making me feel guilty. How can I possibly be looking forward to it when I feel so horrible that I can not give to Ladybug what I gave to Little Man? It's quite the internal battle of emotions.

3 People Raise Their Wine Glasses to Me:

Rebecca said...

I haven't had to go back to work yet, but I think about it all the time and I always feel guilty for that. Why is it that we as women have to feel this way? And you know who is worst about making us feel that way - other stay-at-home moms! They act like we are less than normal if we want to work. I have dealt with this fromn quite a few SAHMs at just the mention of my thinking about returning to the worforce.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you looking forward to returning to work - Ladybug will still love you all the same and you will probably be much more sane than me....

Jessica said...

I'm a working mom and I know it's so hard. Good Luck with your first day back.

DesignHER Momma said...

I went back to work with my first one after 14 weeks. It was hard the first day, a little easier the second....everyday got a little easier. Good luck to you!

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